My Heart is Yours Read online

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  My Heart is Yours

  Copyright © 2015 Amanda Leigh

  Cover design © Arijana Karčić, Cover It! Designs

  Formatting by JT Formatting

  ISBN:

  Smashwords Edition

  All rights reserved.

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products, bands, and/or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  ***

  Title Page

  Foreword

  Prologue

  Part One

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Part Two

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Part Three

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Acknowledgments

  This story is one that has been living in my head for a long time. This story and all of these characters have been in my head for eight years. These characters have been a part of me for eight years. Letting go of them is hard, but I knew that I wanted to get this story out into the world. So it was time to let go. That is not to say that I’ve closed off the possibility of ever writing about them again. Who knows? Maybe one day I will. We’ll just have to wait and see.

  Now, on to the title. It probably took me a good two or three years to come up with what seemed like a fitting title for this story. I needed something that encompassed the romance in this story. I also needed it to potentially encompass the feeling that a brother and sister or very close friends can have for one another. It’s in a different form, of course, but it’s still there. However, the most important component to me was encompassing the romance in the story. I don’t remember exactly how or when this revelation came to me but I do know that it was because of a Paramore song. I was listening to the song My Heart by Paramore and one of the lyrics in the chorus stood out to me. Thus, the title became My Heart is Yours.

  I can’t thank you enough for picking up my book. It truly means so much to me. I hope that you get something out of this story and that maybe you find another character (or a few more) to love. Thank you again and I hope that you enjoy My Heart is Yours!

  ***

  Five and a half year old Samantha slept in her white threadbare sheets. Tonight the wind was coming through particularly strong from the cracks in the wooden boards on her window. Her small body shivered.

  The door creaked open and her mother entered. Sam had the same blonde hair as her mother. Her eyes were her own though. Changing from blue, to grey, to blue-grey, to green or any combination of these colors seemingly simultaneously. Sandra’s hand approached her daughter’s shoulder and she shook her roughly awake. The clock on the wall read three o’ clock in the morning. Sam rubbed her eyes. “Come on!” Her mother said as she looked over her shoulder. “Get out of bed, now!” She grabbed a hammer from the toolbox they kept in Sam’s room, went to the boarded up window and started tearing the boards to the floor. Wood splintered through the air. “Go on.” She gestured to the window. “Get out. Go.”

  Sam hesitated for half a second then climbed through. She knew she couldn’t ask questions. She got into trouble when she asked questions.

  Sandra wiggled through the window; she cursed aloud as the glass cut her shoulder.

  “Don’t try to run away from me!” The hoarse shout came from behind them. Sam’s father. Sam knew what it meant when he was like this.

  Sandra pushed Sam into the car, ran to the other side and jumped in. “Mommy.” Sam said as they went speeding past houses. “What’s wrong?”

  “If you must know, your father’s more drunk than usual. He has a gun and he says he’s gonna kill us. Satisfied?” Sam’s eyes widened as she looked in the rearview mirror. There was a car right on their tail. Sam stretched in the front seat to see who it was; she recognized the face of her father. “Mommy!” She yelled. Her mother ignored her. “The only reason I’m taking you with me is cuz as a single parent with no job I might get some money from the government.” “Mommy!” She yelled again. “Otherwise I’d just let him kill you.” The car stopped, jolted forward and stopped again. “Damn it. We’re out of gas.” Sam’s mom muttered. Sirens wailed in the background.

  Beside them, Sam heard the screech of tires. Blonde hair hit Sam’s face as she turned her head toward the noise. In the car beside them her father scooted across the front seats; his eyes wild with rage. A flash of black came from behind him. Sandra frantically tried to get the car started. Too late. An arm shot out around her neck; holding her fast. Her husband held the shiny black gun to her head and before Sam could scream from the sound, the trigger boomed and her mother’s body slumped over on the steering wheel. Deep red blood gushed out of her head forming a pool on the floor.

  Before Sam climbed out of the car window, her father’s eyes met hers. There was nothing there. No sorrow, no fear, no pain, no love. Nothing.

  The source of the sirens came to their side. Two police cars with their lights flashing and sirens wailing. Sam clasped her little hand around the handle on the car door; the door opened easily and she fell out onto the cold asphalt. Her eyes took in a small bush about a yard away. She scurried to it and hid within it’s hard branches, lush with dark green leaves.

  A young policeman shot out of his squad car and saw Sam scurry out of the corner of his eye. This was one of his first times being called—he had only recently graduated from the police academy. He had never seen such devastation. Sure, he thought, compared to a war zone this is nothing. But I’ve never seen a husband murder his wife before. With a little girl hiding in the bushes. He shook his head. All of this went through his mind before he crossed to the bush where Sam was hiding.

  She tried to run but he gently caught her arm. “It’s okay, sweetie.” He said. “We’re here to help.” Her big, sad eyes stared up at him. H
e tried to offer her a reassuring smile, but he was rather sure that it came out more like a grimace. He picked her up and walked her over to the other policemen.

  Sam was taken to an orphanage about an hour and a half away. Six months later she was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Ramsden. They had three sons. Craig was ten, John was seven and Matt was four.

  Craig, John and Matt were good friends with three other boys in town. Mr. and Mrs. Ramsden were friends with one or both of these boys’ parents and they had all grown up together. Chris, Shawn and Jason. It was new to have a little girl introduced into the mix.

  Their town wasn’t the best town to be living in. Nearly everyone between the ages of thirteen and twenty-five either carried a gun or a blade. With the thought that it was for protection; though it didn’t always turn out that way. The town wasn’t exactly poor; they had enough money for their bills and groceries. Although there was little to no disposable income.

  Sam grew up with these boys and they all kept an eye on her. Besides Matt, she and Jason were the youngest, so everyone looked out for them, even more so than Matt. They felt that Matt could more or less take care of himself. They looked out for Jason more because he was very shy and as he got older could be a nervous wreck. They looked out for Sam more because she’s a girl. Simple as that; that’s what they all said.

  In February 1964 tragedy hit the Ramsden family. Four months before Sam turned sixteen her adoptive parents were killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver. Craig refused to have their family split up. He became John, Sam and Matt’s legal guardian.

  By 1964 Sam had lost two sets of parents. She hoped with all of her heart to not lose anyone else.

  ***

  ***

  Sam felt someone pull on her hair. “What?” She asked impatiently, pushing their hand away.

  “Nothing.” She heard the familiar voice say back to her.

  “Chris?” She asked as she attempted to do her homework. “Why are you playing with my hair?”

  “I’m not. I’m pulling your hair.”

  “Okay, why?”

  “’Cuz your older brother needs your help with dinner.”

  “You could’ve just told me that, Chris,” Sam said as she got up.

  “Awww, but that’s no fun.” Chris grinned in reply.

  “I swear, you act like you’re eight instead of eighteen.” Shawn and Jason laughed.

  “You’re such a little smart ass.” Chris told her.

  “I know I am.” Sam replied proudly, smiling at Chris. “I learned from the best.” Sam’s gaze shifted to Jason.

  Jason looked back at Sam and smiled his crooked smile. His smile went up just a little more on the right than on the left. Sam smiled back at him; her smile did the opposite.

  They held each other’s gaze for a moment, smiling shyly. Shawn cleared his throat loudly, and Sam and Jason turned in his direction.

  Sam pulled her bleach blonde hair back into a ponytail, reaching down a little past her shoulders. Sam’s skin was slightly tanned from the Missouri sun.

  Shawn had dark brown hair, with bangs that almost reached his deep blue eyes. He usually didn’t have bangs; he just needed a haircut very badly.

  Chris’s hair was light brown. He had long sideburns and olive skin. His eyes were a light brown, almost tan color, and he had a toothy grin.

  Sam’s oldest brother, Craig, had dark hair as well. Though not quite as dark as Shawn’s hair. Craig’s hair was generally straight, but the front and back were always slightly curly. His eyes were a sharp silver-blue. One moment they could be gentle and understanding but if you said the wrong thing they turned vicious in an instant.

  Out of all the boys she’d grown up with, Sam was closest to Jason. Besides Juliana (a girl that Sam had met in first grade), Jason was Sam’s best friend. He had dark tan skin. His hair was jet black (a huge contrast to Sam, with her bleach blonde hair). His eyes were a dark, deep brown, and they were shy and sensitive. But when he was with Sam there was something else in his eyes as well.

  “Hey!” John’s voice echoed through the house. “Damn it!” Sam grinned to herself; John did the same thing every time he got home from work. He’d swing open the door, scream “Hey!” then stub his toe on the dark brown wooden coffee table and curse under his breathe. He’d done the same thing every weekend since Sam was fourteen. That’s when he got his part time job at the deli about four blocks away from their house. He kept half of his pay; the other half went to paying the bills.

  “What are you doin’?” Matt asked as he walked into their small kitchen/dining room.

  “Craig and I are making dinner. Which means you and John get to do the dishes.”

  Matt’s face fell into a frown, doing dishes was his least favorite chore. His baby fat hadn’t all gone away yet, so his face still had that slightly round shape. Matt was a little more pale than the rest of them. His eyes were sky blue and thoughtful. The eyes of a dreamer. He had light brown hair with dirty blonde highlights; it was a little long. When their mom was still alive she would always beg him to get it cut. (He rarely did).

  “Hey, baby sis!” John said as his slightly tan hand messed up Sam’s hair. Sam grinned an amused and frustrated grin. “Baby sis”, that’s what John always called her. Even though she constantly reminded him he’s only about a year older than her.

  Sam turned around and looked into John’s deep green eyes, shaking her head. John tilted his head to the side and his hair, which hovered between light brown and honey blonde, fell into his eyes. He had a smile on his face, as usual, and Sam couldn’t help but smile back at him.

  Sam turned back to the counter too quickly and the room around her began to spin. She grabbed her head with one hand, the counter with the other. She stood there for a moment, eyes closed, until John noticed something was wrong.

  “Hey, hey…” John said softly, putting his hands on Sam’s delicate waist and leading her to the couch.

  She sat down next to Jason, eyes still closed. “Sam, are you okay?” Jason sounded worried, and Sam smiled, even though her head was throbbing.

  “Yeah, I’m…whoa.”

  “Sam?”

  “I’m just a little dizzy, that’s all.” She said, and tried to get up, but immediately lost her balance and fell back down on the off-white couch.

  “I think you should probably stay where you are.” Jason said, and Sam sensed a smile in his voice.

  “Yeah, probably.” She said smiling, responding to the tone of his voice.

  No one was too worried. This happened once in a while. Sam had been getting bad headaches and dizzy spells since she was a little girl. Her doctor said it was the result of too much stress.

  Taking a deep breath, Sam leaned back and put her head on Jason’s shoulder.

  Jason grinned and his tan cheeks got a slight flush.

  Jason was quite shy, especially if he was around girls. Being around girls made him nervous. And although Sam was one of his best friends, and he could talk to her about almost anything, he became more nervous around Sam than any other girl he knew.

  ***

  Sam opened her eyes slowly and looked around. She was lying in her bed, with the blue cotton sheets pulled securely around her. She sat up slowly, to make sure her headache was gone. There was still a dull throbbing.

  The last thing Sam remembered was sitting on the couch, and leaning her head on Jason’s shoulder. Sam figured she must have fallen asleep and someone carried her into her room.

  “Hello.” Sam yawned as she walked into the kitchen. The white cabinets, table and chairs greeted her cheerfully. The color always did seem cheery to her.

  “Good mornin’, Sleeping Beauty!” Chris said gleefully.

  Sam smiled. “What time is it?” She asked.

  “It is…11:30.” Chris answered after he looked up at the wall clock.

  “What?” Sam said jumping up from the seat she’d just taken. “I’m late for school!”

  “Sam.” John said. “Sam!”


  She didn’t hear him; she was packing everything back into her book bag that she always kept on the kitchen floor.

  “Sam!” John said again. “Samantha Marie Ramsden!”

  “What?” Sam asked impatiently, still packing.

  “It’s Saturday.”

  “Oh.” Sam said with an embarrassed smile, walking over to an empty chair and collapsing onto it. “Good.” She yawned one more time and then put her head down on the kitchen table and closed her eyes.

  “HEY!” A deep voice carried to the kitchen from the screen door. Sam opened her eyes reluctantly.

  “Juliana and Derek are here.” John mumbled with a smile and glance at Jason. Derek had been in Sam and Juliana’s class one year. They weren’t fast friends but eventually the three of them began to hang out often at school.

  Sam started to get up and as she did, she caught Jason’s eye. He averted his eyes; there was something almost like anger in them.

  When she was out of earshot, Chris, John and Shawn all turned to look at Jason.

  “What?” He asked. They just shook their heads. “What?”

  “Aaaa! Derek!” Sam’s voice carried in from the living room. Derek swung Sam over his shoulder. “Aaaa! Derek, put me down!”

  “You know what.” John said to Jason. “You just won’t admit it.”

  Before Jason had a chance to answer, Juliana came into the kitchen laughing.

  “So, Julie-” Chris began.

  “Alright, my name is Juliana, okay?”

  Derek walked in and waved to everyone. Jason smiled, but it wasn’t real, just tolerant. He was never too fond of Derek.

  “Sam!” Derek yelled into the living room.

  “What?” She yelled back.

  “Come on, get in here!”

  Sam walked into the kitchen and smiled at Jason.

  “Hey, there’s no chair left for me.” She shrugged and walked over to the table, figuring she would just plant her butt right on the kitchen table.