My Heart is Yours Read online

  “Sam, you can’t always think something terrible is going to happen to everyone.” John told her gently.

  “I know. It’s just. I feel like that’s how my brain is programmed. I can’t help it.”

  John nodded. Sam had experienced a lot of loss; it wasn’t difficult to understand why she felt that way.

  “Well, look at another side of this. You’re always afraid something will happen. God forbid something does, wouldn’t it be better for the person to know you love them?” He reasoned with her.

  Sam looked up at him. She knew he was right.

  “He’ll come back Sam. He’s waited for you forever. And you already know he loves you.”

  Sam let out a short humorless laugh. John bent down and kissed the top of her head. “Try to relax and get some sleep, honey. I’ll tell Craig you aren’t gonna eat dinner.”

  Sam nodded. John knew her so well.

  He kissed the top of her head one last time, pulled the covers up and walked out of her room.

  Craig and Matt got home at the same time. Craig had picked him up from the movies. He went to see the new Hitchcock movie that was out starring Paul Newman; Torn Curtain. Matt loved the movies and went as often as he could manage.

  “Hey.” John said. “Sam’s not gonna eat dinner tonight.”

  “Is she sick?” Matt asked.

  “Uh, not physically, kid.”

  “What’s wrong with her?” Craig asked.

  “She and Jason, uh, had a fight.” That was the best way that he could think to word it.

  “What happened?” Craig asked him, raising his eyebrows so that they nearly disappeared into the bangs that had grown out.

  “Jason told Sam he loved her. And Sam, well . . . she does love him, but she couldn’t really bring herself to say it. ‘Cuz, well our Sam does have some issues.”

  Craig nodded. Matt shifted in place, almost shuffling from one foot to another.

  The next day was Saturday and Sam stayed in her room all day. Shawn and Chris asked what was going on and found out about the incident between Sam and Jason.

  Jason did show up at their house. To many raised eyebrows and lingering glares. Sam wasn’t coming out of her room. And John didn’t want anything to do with Jason.

  Finally, John couldn’t take it anymore. He huffed and walked up to Jason out on the porch.

  “Look, I know what happened between you and Sam. You told her you loved her and she didn’t say it back. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. ‘Cuz she does. Everyone here knows she does. Except you. Sam just doesn’t know how to say it. And okay, you’re Jason, nobody ever yells at you. But you broke my sister’s heart, so I don’t care.” He turned and stomped away.

  Everyone just stared at the spot where John had been standing. Jason’s hand shook as he lit his cigarette.

  Sam was sitting in her room late Sunday night, or more like early Monday morning. She’d hardly come out of her room, either. She took out her journal and began writing, with tears sliding down her cheeks.

  I miss Jason. I miss him like crazy. I love him so much. Why couldn’t I just say that? What’s wrong with me? Why is it so hard for me to say that? He needs to know. He looked so hurt. And seeing him hurt like that . . . it’s like having my heart ripped out of my chest. And squeezed. And torn apart. Slowly. I can’t stand this. I can’t stand being without him. It hurts so much. I have to tell him how much I love him.

  The week passed by slowly for both Sam and Jason. They were both hurting so much. Of course they ran into each other at Sam’s house. They barely even glanced at each other.

  The next Saturday Sam was thinking about going to talk to him. She walked out of her room and into the kitchen. She heard the screen door and saw Jason walking out. I can’t let him go, she thought. I have to go after him. I have to tell him now.

  With that thought she bolted through the screen door letting it slam behind her.

  “Sam!?” John yelled.

  Jason was already walking across the park. “Jason!” She yelled. A car skidded to a halt, the horn blaring loudly. She just kept running. Jason had turned around and was staring at her, stunned. She hurled herself into his arms so hard he nearly fell over. He instinctively wrapped his arms tightly around her.

  She crushed her lips against his, and he kissed her back, urgently and passionately. Jason lifted her. When they were both out of breath, Sam pulled away. “I’m sorry.” She said. “Jason I’m so sorry. I love you so much, please believe me, please. Please.” Tears were pouring down her cheeks. Jason’s too. Both of their lips were sore from their kiss. But Jason kissed her again and pulled her tighter against him. Sam pushed Jason away. “Jason, I love you. I love you so much it terrifies me. I couldn’t say it because well, I was afraid. That . . . that if something happened to you it’d hurt more because I told you I love you. But I do, Jason. I love you. Please believe me. You do believe me don’t you?” Sam said in one breath. “Sam. Sam!” Jason said. “I believe you.” He smiled.

  “You do?” She asked in a small voice.

  “Yes. I love you too Sam. So much. I’m sorry too.” He pushed her hair out of her face.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “I should’ve given you time to say it back to me. I shouldn’t have just walked out like that.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t care. My God, I just love you so much.” Sam stared at him with green eyes.

  Jason smiled wide. “Geez, Sam, I love you like crazy.” He crushed his already sore lips against hers and they stood there kissing with more passion and love than they ever had before.

  ***

  “Damn, that was like something out of a chick flick.” Shawn said as Jason walked in with his arm slung around Sam.

  “You didn’t have to spy on us.” Sam said.

  “I wasn’t spying. Y’all were right across the street. It’s not like I could hear what y’all were saying.”

  “But I’m guessing you two are back together.” Chris said. He shook his head. “Making out in the street.”

  Sam punched him in the arm. “We weren’t making out.” She muttered.

  Chris laughed. “Okay, whatever you say.”

  Sam and Jason both blushed and went to sit down and cuddle up on the couch.

  Jason and I said that we loved each other. Both of us this time. To each other. I forgot to mention that, didn’t I? It has been a while since I wrote anything. I was just so ecstatic that I forgot to even write anything. Does that make sense? Plus, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Jason, Derek and Juliana. But after that fight, we told each other ‘I love you.’ We did. We’re in love.

  Jason and Sam were inseparable. Not a minute went by they weren’t together. Today, they were hanging around town with Juliana and Derek.

  “Hey, are you two even paying attention to the movie?” Derek asked as Jason stole another kiss from Sam.

  “Hmm?” Sam said, peeking around Jason’s shoulder.

  “I guess not.” Juliana said laughing.

  “Guess not what?” Jason said.

  “Completely clueless.” Juliana sighed and smirked.

  Jason and Sam looked at each other and shrugged.

  “You missed the ending of the movie.” Derek said.

  “Oh, did we?” Sam asked.

  “Come on, let’s go back to your place.” Juliana said to Sam, linking her arm through hers.

  Both Juliana and Derek had a car, but nothing was really that much of a walk and it was a nice day out. Craig would never let Sam walk around town alone, but when she was with other people he was okay with it.

  The four of them were discussing what had happened in the movie. Since Sam and Jason hadn’t really been paying attention.

  Sam heard the car pull up next to them but paid it no attention. She assumed it was one of the guys stopping to say hello and maybe offer them a ride home. She turned her head towards the car in what she would later remember as being slow motion. The car wasn’t stopped but it wasn’t at
full speed. At least, she was pretty sure it wasn’t. Afterwards she was afraid that her eyes had betrayed her.

  It wasn’t one of the guys. It was two young men. Both with what looked like ski masks on their heads. That struck her as odd since it wasn’t winter. Then the one in the passenger seat reached into the glove compartment and pulled something out. Something black and shiny. Her eyes finally focused on it and she noticed sunlight glint off of the gun. A loud, breathy gasp escaped Sam’s lips before the first shot was fired.

  She moved her mouth in a wordless babble of nothingness. One of the sleek bullets was speeding right towards her.

  “Sam!” Jason screamed. He launched himself at her and pushed her to the ground before the bullet could get to her. But not before it got to him.

  Sam fell with a thump to the hard concrete. The first thing she did was look to Jason. He was looking right back at her. Good, he’s alive, she thought. And then she saw the red gushing from his leg.

  John burst through their front door clad only in a pair of jeans when he heard the bullets. Sam widened her eyes in what she thought was an effort to tell him to stay where he was. But to no avail. He was right at their side. He was lucky as hell that he got to the ground before that next bullet came flying right at him. The others were standing at the door but John shook his head at them. Sam spied him with squinted eyes. She knew that he was committing anything about that car to memory that he could. If anything, John had an excellent memory. The car skidded around the corner and out of sight.

  With a pained grunt Jason rolled onto the concrete clutching his leg.

  Sam sat up and noticed red coating her arm. She turned towards Juliana, who was clutching her shoulder. Derek was lying face down. Motionless. The rest of the guys ran toward them.

  “Someone call for help!” John yelled. Matt ran back inside.

  Chris ran to check on Juliana and Derek.

  Sam put her hand on Jason’s sweaty cheek. “Are you okay?” She asked. Stupid question, she thought.

  Jason nodded slowly. “Are you okay?” He asked her.

  “Me? I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

  Jason was struggling to sit up. “Don’t move.” She said, gently putting his head on her lap.

  John knelt down next to her. He had a bunch of gauze. She hadn’t even noticed him run back to the house. Maybe somebody else had. “Ambulance is on its way.” He said. “They said to try to stop the bleeding till they get here.”

  “Oh God.” He said looking from Sam’s arm to Jason’s leg, both covered in blood. He reached over to Sam.

  “No.” She said. “Take care of Jason first.”

  “But Sam-” Jason started to say.

  “Shhh. Don’t argue with me. You know you won’t win.” She said smiling.

  He smiled back at her. “Okay.” He said softly.

  Shawn ran out from the house with more gauze and towels for everyone else.

  Sam pushed Jason’s hair back. John wrapped gauze around his leg tightly.

  “John.” Sam said. “Did you get anything on the car?”

  “Make. Model. License plate.” He answered, his face unreadable as chiseled stone as he finished bandaging Jason’s leg and moved on to Sam’s arm.

  Sirens came wailing down the street and stopped in front of their house. Jason and Sam went in one ambulance and Juliana and Derek in the other. John and Craig jumped in the ambulance with Sam. The paramedics slammed the door shut and sped off down the road, sirens blaring.

  ***

  Sam was sitting in an exam room with John. She closed her eyes and squeezed John’s hand tight as they stitched up her arm. When Sam looked down, she saw nail marks in his hand.

  “Sorry, John.” She said. He looked down at his hand and laughed shortly. “It’s okay, hon.”

  “You’re okay.” The doctor said. “The bullet didn’t do any real damage. You were lucky. You can go home soon.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Craig and Matt along with Juliana’s mom, Karen, came in. Matt and the guys had followed them in Craig’s car after they called Juliana and Derek’s parents.

  “Is she okay?” Sam asked.

  “She’ll be fine. They just want her to stay overnight to keep an eye on her.” Karen said.

  “Oh, good. Did we hear anything about Derek?” Sam said softly.

  “Not yet, honey.” Karen shook her head. “His parents haven’t come out of the room yet.”

  Then Sam looked at Craig. “What about Jason?”

  “They’re not telling us anything.” He said. “They said they can’t because we’re not family.”

  “But his family doesn’t care!” She said.

  The doctor walked in again. “How’s Jason?” She asked him.

  “I’m sorry miss, but we can’t tell you that. You’re not family.”

  “But she is.” John said. They glanced at him. “She’s his fiancée.”

  Sam hesitated for only a second before going along with it. “Yes. I’m his fiancée. Can’t you tell me?”

  The doctor thought for a moment. “Alright.” He said finally. “We got the bullet out and stopped the bleeding. He’ll have to use crutches and go to physical therapy, but don’t worry he will walk. After some PT. He’s stable, but because of the pain medication he’s asleep right now. Powerful pain meds. But the pain should be less soon.”

  “Okay.” Sam said quietly.

  “I’m also prescribing you some pain medication to go home with. Make sure it’s at least six hours between doses though.”

  She nodded staring at a spot on the wall just beyond the doctor. Thinking about Jason she didn’t see the doctor trying to hand her the pills. John reached out and took them for her.

  “Can we go home now?” He asked the doctor.

  “Yes.” He said. “But come back in a couple of weeks to get the stitches out.”

  “We will. Come on, Sam.” John said and put an arm around her waist and gently pulled her down from the exam table. He held her arm gently and led her to the car.

  “Hey Sam?” John said, walking over to where she was standing in the middle of the living room.

  “Hmm?” She said absently.

  “Are you okay?” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

  “Do you think Jason and Derek are going to be okay?” She asked as she turned toward him.

  “Well, we didn’t hear anything about Derek, but when his parents are ready they’ll tell us. And Jason’ll be fine. You heard the doctor, he’ll probably just be out for a bit and he’s even gonna walk again.”

  “Yeah, I know.” She said and took a deep breath. “I’m really tired; I think I’m going to try to sleep.”

  “Hey, take one of these.” John said, popping the cap off the pain pills.

  “I’ll get you a glass of water.” Craig said.

  “It’s okay, I can do it.”

  “No, it’s okay Sam, let me do it.” Craig hurried to the kitchen.

  “Okay.” She played with a frayed string on her blue jeans.

  Craig came out of the kitchen and handed Sam the glass of water. Each of her brothers gave her a hug before she walked away.

  Safely in her room, she took out her journal to write about what happened, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She curled up and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

  John flopped down on the couch and popped open a beer. He handed the other one to Craig.

  “At least they got ‘em.” Craig remarked before taking a sip. “They probably wouldn’t have so soon if you didn’t get all that information on the car.”

  “Yeah.” John said flatly.

  “Hey, they did get ‘em.” Craig nudged John in the shoulder half-heartedly.

  John took a sip of his beer. “That doesn’t make it any better.” He said.

  ***

  Sam woke up the next day with a terrible headache and a shooting pain through her arm. She glanced over to her nightstand and grabbed h
er pain pills, quickly downing them without any water. Then she sighed and reluctantly climbed out of bed.

  I look like crap, she thought as she stared into her dark grey eyes in the reflection in the mirror.

  She had bags under her eyes as well as dark shadows. Her eyes were blood shot. The scar on her arm was bright red and she was so pale.

  I look like I died and came back.

  She was too tired to care. She shrugged it off and walked out into the kitchen. The first thing she saw made her stop in her tracks.

  “Jason!” She ran over to where he was sitting, throwing herself at him and hugging him tightly.

  “Ow.” He said. She pulled away. “Oh, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” She gently touched his cheek.

  He smiled at her. “Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” She beamed. She took his face in her hands and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He put his hands on her waist. After a few minutes they pulled away. Jason was blushing.

  “I love you.” Sam said.

  “I love you, too.” He said, and pushed her hair back out of her face.

  The phone rang and Craig walked from the living room to pick it up.

  “Hello?” He said.

  “Oh yeah, Sam and Jason are fine thanks. How’s Derek?” He asked.

  Then he was completely silent, listening intently to the people on the other end. Derek’s parents probably.

  Craig hung up the phone with a grim look on his face. He let out a long breath.

  “Craig? What is it?” Sam asked, leaning forward from her spot on the couch.

  “Derek.” He said.

  “What about him?” Sam asked slowly.

  “That was his parents.” Craig began.

  “How is he?” She shot the question at him.

  “Sam, Derek was shot in the chest . . .”